saint_monkey

i dreamed i was on a rooftop in seattle, a tall apartment in the queen anne neighborhood. the roof contained a white tiled swimming area, with a bathhouse with white painted walls. the sky above was the solid white cloudcover you sometimes see in seattle, white without variation from horizon to horizon. i miss seattle. i miss not seeing the sun for days, it always made me feel buried, private, closed and comfortable.

the pool was drained, and the only person on the roof, maybe even the only person in the whole world, was my grandfather.

he was standing on his feet, and he looked just fine. he was wearing gray slacks and a starched and pressed white shirt, like he'd just been to church. i was so happy to see him, i gave him a big hug, and he smelled the way he always used to, various hair tonics and powders. in the middle of painted white pool furniture, i told him that i missed him and that i loved him, and he said that he missed and loved me too. i told him that i was sorry that i never told him how i felt about god, and that i thought it would hurt him had he known. he just said that he understood, and that the answer was "somewhere in-between" what he believed and what i believed.

he told me that the answer to that whole god question was painted on the bathhouse wall behind him, in giant white letters.

the wall was entirely white, and i couldn't read the answer, and i told him so. he said that he understood, and that it didn't matter. "it's mostly about love." he said

and then i woke up. when i awoke, i could smell the hair tonic and powder for about a minute. my head hurt terribly.