I was in KC Pastries today, waiting to order a black tea with milk and tapioca, and the baker was serving a man and his two young children. They were ordering all kinds of pastries, several dozen, and at the end, the baker gave the children each a red bean paste bun, explaining that for people that make large orders, it's traditional for the baker to throw in something small for free. The customer's little girl (about 6 years old,) was polite and thanked the baker, the customer's little boy (about 4 or 5) said nothing. The customer asked his little boy. "Now, what do you say when someone gives you something nice as a gift?" The boy, without hesitation, pointed to a more colorful bun in the display case and said "I want THIS one INSTEAD."
i have to go to work now
my cat demands that i open the blinds so that he may sit in the sun.
i feel that my friends may think that i am making fun of them when i am just trying to be funny.
i am avoiding getting ready for work
i don't feel bad when i get there, but i never want to go
i don't care, i hope they can't tell
i am carving one side of my block for the print exchange. i'll send the file out soon, although we only have eight participants. it is better to have eight than none. it will be a good print, but not serious, a "froo froo" print, as anna would call it. i think of them as "tourist prints" or "Whimsey prints."
i'd much rather carve the block than go to work
there is a lot of carving to be done on this side, then a test proof, and then more carving.
i have no confidence in my own work. none at all. i never want to show it to anyone who might buy it, but i always want to give it away, so that someone will have it.
i can't stop making it.
when i try to NOT do art, i feel terrible. sometimes things sit in my mind and keep me awake until i have to get up in the middle of the night and write them down in my sketchbook.
i sewed signatures torn from old sketchbooks into the bindings of books that i have removed other signatures from. turning full dictionaries and encyclopedias into blank sketchbooks. make your own definitions.
mom wants me to write, but i feel far more inspired by art, even though i have no confidence in it.
i am trying to stop drinking coke. all i succeed in doing is drinking half a coke before i give up in guilty disgust. i guess that is a success, except mystery can see all the half cokes around the house, ansd she doesn't believe me when i say i'm giving it up. the odd thing is, i have completely stopped drinking coke at work, which is where i always used to drink it. now i drink it early in the morning, in place of coffee.
largely because i am out of coffee beans.
i could get those if i got ready now, and left early for work...
i still have to go to work
near work, there is a large korean grocery. going into it was like going back to korea. they had every kind of kimche you could imagine! they had pocari and calpis water and melon popsicles and pocky. they had the flattened dried squid and a grill where cooks were making authentic korean food. bulgogi and takogi and be-pim-bahp. they had raw meat marinading in pepper and soju (where do they get soju?) just waiting to be grilled.
i am looking for the large tapioca pearls so i can make milky tea for myself (the place on temple's campus is too far) they may not have it, it isn't a big thing in korea.
if i get ready now, i could go again today to look and see, but i am not getting ready.
i still have to go to work.
it seems that no matter what happens, i have to go to work.
last night, the snow began at around eight or nine. white rain from the god of wealth, whose birthday is today according to [personal profile] spicebush's fung shui calendar. at ten thirty i got out of work and began a laborious trek over the betsy ross bridge, which hangs like the proverbial bird of doom that shifts and cracks, over old art deco factories with thirty foot windows and seventy foot rusted smokestacks cropping up out of the rotten textile and cement industry spead beneath. cops run there with no lights in pairs silent, only sounds the hiss of wheels, but i wouldn't know, that's kensington and "YOU don't go there" is what my white co-workers tell me. it loks like the burbs in atlanta where i dug ditches in the red clay, the same red clay would stain my socks, get in the creases of my skin, little mica chips and sweat would stick to my forehead and slide into my eyes.... the glittergrit eyeshadow of hard work. at the end of the day i couldn't wait to wash that earth's blood down the drain. i hated hard labor, but it was always nice to feel that dirt come off. kensington seems strangely compelling. the death one looks at over the edge of a high building. they can't mean me. i'm invincible, and everyone is very nice here. no one really means me harm, and all the white folks are paranoid, they tell me not to go to gertmantown, or to the north of philly, but i go there all the time, cruising ogontz avenue and chew street. right through the warzone. nobody cares. i'm sure it is the same in kensington, just like i know i'd float, not fall towards the death at the edge of a building.

anyhow, over the bridge i go, "two lanes to phila" staying to the left, while the crazybrave and the damnfool rip by to the right. huge trucks, fast little sportscars with no low gear, old primered beaters... all blast by me, the road a white wasteland, visibility is good, a hundred yards of foggy DMZ, fading into static ahead, static behind. the road is cold, the snow is powder, not slush, so it isn't real slick, until we hit the freeway, here the trucks have laid salt, and the snow has given away to slush and frozen almost immediatelytto a rock hard rink. here the crazybrave hit trouble, the porsche is stranded (what's the difference between a porcupine and a porsche? a porcupine has the pricks on the outside.) good joke, but this particular prick isn't on the inside, he's out in the lane, trying to punch cell phone buttons on his afterthought of a cell phone with his rabbit fur lined leather gloves... london fog felt coat blowing in the wind, scarf flying out in front, smacking him in the face from time to time. i pass the beater on the elevated ramp connecting 95 to 476 (Central Phila, the sign states in it's green and white informational way. orange sodium vapor lights behind it are diffused so much by the snow that the whole sky from horizon to horizon is sort of a midnightblue fading to burntpumpkin.) the beater looks like he started to skid on the onramp, forgetting that the wind below was cooling the surface of the road some 20 to 30 degrees more than the earth beneath the freeway... when he began to skid, he slowed down, and now can't get the traction to get going again. he's trying to coast down the breakdown lane backwards, to get back to the freeway and take a run at it.) he is tough to get by.

on 476 the traffic volume has melted a lane of traffic, and everybody is piled into it, praise god, there is pavement again! (it's a trap. sometimes god wants you to take the hard road,) water falling from the bridges above has frozen on the exposed pavement, the snowy lane, less travelled, towards the left, has escaped this... on ramps from the city dump new victims into the fray, each sliding through one intersection, then another before getting over into the snow and slowing down to 25, nearly causing conniptions for the entering drivers who dart for pitcher plant salvation of the exposed left lane.

76 is a replay of 95, the crazybrave and damnfool are back, but truckers are tempering them, they are strung out in the left and center lanes, positioned so that all traffic has to slow, they are tempered by time and experience, they know that until the plows get out here, this is death... they force the traffic on 76 down to 35. towards city boulevard, a SUV makes a break, all four hubs locked, and then all four tires begin to spin... much faster than the forward motion betrays... the lady in the suv floors it, speed equals traction being the thought here, i guess.. the back end fishtails and she hits the brake, (while trying to recall physics formulas in her head, i'm sure, force equals mass times.. times.. times...what?) when she skids further she tries to correct and takes her foot off the gas... the SUV's automatic transmission shifts into a lower gear, turning all that wasted motion into torque. the tires bite and the suv straightens out. she floors it again and the tires spin once more. she cruises down the road this way, managing to achieve another ten miles per hour, and miraculously, begins to navigate the web of semis.

fortunately, i get off on kelly drive. ridge avenue, a gentle slope... is blocked by two city busses and about twenty cars. the busses slowed for their stops and can't get the momentum to get going once more. i assume the drivers are fitting chains, at least i hope so. hazard lights are monotonously telling me not to go up that way. i go down to main, and up a much steeper set of backroads... i have to stop for about two minutes while a tow truck tries to extricate a step van from the road. "you'll never get by" he finally tells me, but there is barely enough room, like that sliver of hope on the edge of the building, or on the left exit off the betsy ross bridge exit off of 95, that would take me away from work, down aramingo ave and into kensington. i wait a second, and the driver moves the truck just a foot, enough to erase all doubt about the matter, and i ease easily by into our parking lot.
things to do today:
  • go to the "ace check cashing" on ridge avenue and buy a bas pass
  • go up to target and get some cheesy dress slacks and sweaters and ties for wage-slave job (can you believe that they have the nerve to ask for business professional at a job that starts at ten an hour? the raw, bleedin nerve of the jerks.)
  • ask jason to take a look at going out of business shoe store to see if they have any 9 and a half or 10 sized doc martins that were black and looked dressy. if they do, ask him to buy em, and reimburse (consider this askin, buddy. i'll send ya an email too) otherwise, check out docs on zappos.com
  • at some point, actually go to wage-slave job.
  • start lookin for resarch material for "tea drinkers" print, perhaps japanese kimonos, look at local coffeeshops
  • look at schuykil river, take some digital shots for "frozen schuykil" print.
  • order olive oil from the bariani family in san francisco.
let us see..

the job fair turned into at least an interview, and that turned into a job offer at commerce bank. it is a web customer service job, much less interesting than the 'zon position, and paying about two bucks less than we need to pay the rent. it looks like i'll be working the overtime. PLUS, it is a swingshift job.

if that wasn't enough, the job is in new jersey, which is across the bridge, and a $3 toll everyday. there is only one or two ways into philly without paying a toll, avoiding the bridges would cost me an hour in either direction. this in addition to a %5 payroll tax to the city of philly just for living here. (the tax gets assessed no matter where i work) that's just philly style economics, the in-city jobmarket pays nothing, (on average, about $9 per hour,) work out of the city and you get nailed twice, once with a city improvement "toll" and once with a punishing "you gotta PAY to live here," tax. the odd thing, is that nothing seems to be improving at least, not in a civic sense. maybe they use it to pay for the mural arts program, which i must admit, is quite rockin. seattle could benefit from a similar program. anyhow, i'll be lookin for another job pretty dern quick.

but on the upside, it pays more than unemployment, and the swing shift lets me interview at other places without arousing too much suspicion.
[personal profile] inflammatio wrote an entry about her love for downtown seattle, and i commented, saying how sad it made me. Her reply, which had some good sound advice, encouraged me to think about the good things in Philly.

So, this morning, i was driving mystery to school, and we drove down Kelly Drive, which runs next to the schuykill river. it's the river where Eakins painted all the rowers. for some reason it is unchanged since those turn of the last century paintings. even the stone bridges look the same, more like amsterdam than the united states. even this morning the rowing teams from all the colleges were out practicing on the water. it looked just like an Eakins painting. along the side of the road is fairmount park, the largest outdoor park contained within a city in the united states. bigger than golden gate park or central park. the tree trunks were dark brown, almost black with morning dew, and the sky was battleship dun, and the trees themselves were aflame with foliage, sugar maples, oaks, many others, with their bright fall coats and mufflers on.

on the radio, WHYY's Radio Times was taking caller reactions to the Democratic win for Governor, and a self professed "dyed in the wool Republican" called to say that she had voted for the Democrat, because Fisher, the Republican, had the nerve to suggest that shops in Pittsburgh made better sandwiches than shops in Philadelphia. "I couldn't in good conscience vote for the guy," she continued, "seeing as he was clearly an idiot."

maybe philadelphia isn't all that bad.
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The ring comes out today, as does bowling for columbine, and punchdrunk love. i want to see them all, have funds for none. Maybe we will go see one anyhow, through the magic of credit. the ring gets my vote.

totally unrelated, but...

I have an interview for a customer service job at agilent technologies, the biomed spinoff of Hewlett-Packard. The job is primo. good bennies, full time employee right from the start. Pays exactly enough to solve all our troubles. Seems like a good place to pass three years while arting around on the side and supporting the missus with her law school aspirations. Passed a phone interview on Tuesday, am now one of 30 invited for a face-to-face on Oct 24th to fill 6 positions. (Chances: 1 in 5) Since i believe in the power of positive thinking, i want you all to say to yourself:

"I believe that steffan will get this job."

and clap your hands.

I will do the rest (dredge out suit, get cleaned, get altered, research agilent to the nth degree, make cold calls, etc, although if any of you constant readers out there know of anything about the place, let me know.) i need to get myself cleaned, altered too, to resemble some human bean again.

totally unrelated, but...

I should probably stop typing, as I have to go and fetch the veggies from the coffeehouse (we get a box of farm grown veggies every week from a local subvert-the-dominant-coffeehouse. you know the type, homemade granola, spelt brownies, shade grown organic coffee.) don't tell anyone, but they can also fix one up with raw goatmilk, a delicacy in this age of uber-pasteurization (won't someone think of the CHILDREN! their delicate tummies might not handle the rough bacteria of the world!) duh. don't feed them raw goatmilk, don't take away my jones by demanding we destroy the sugars in milk with your nasty industrial ovens! the real loss is carrot juice, which when raw, tastes like the delicate sweet aftertaste of a fresh carrot, without any of the coppery metalic tang. when it is pasteurized, it tastes bloody AWFUL, all tang. no sweet. In order to get raw carrot juice now, you have to make it yourself. Odwalla used to sell a fantastic raw carrot juice. *sigh*

totally unrelated, but...

i'm itching with art ideas, and i have a few planks of wood to carve when i'm up to it, with this jobthing on my back, i've felt guilty about pursuing art, since i know it would eat all my time and turn the corner from pseudo looking (hoping) for a job to not looking don't careing for a job.

totally unrelated, but...

"In this world Elwood, one must be oh so smart, or oh so pleasant. For years i was smart. I recommend pleasant."

me too. smart means that you must continually meansure yourself, judge yourself, find yourself wanting, in order to adjust your strategy. Smart requires that you outwit most other people, discover their agendas, disarm thier machinations. Pleasant requires that you try not to harm anyone, that you think about their feelings, that you open doors and smile, and take no offense and sigh, secure in the thought that "time will take care of them" when people bruise you or harm you.

oh to be pleasant instead of smart!

update

Sep. 10th, 2002 12:41 pm
this just in, the nation's terror status has been upgraded:


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all terror may or may not contain techron


in other news, i got an interview tomorrow for a temp job at a telco company, (they responded to the monster.com resume) working cs for technical support, routing to internet or inside plant folks from the switchboard. piece of cake work, and they seem willing to pay me three dollars above scale for it. at the very least, i can do this in lieu of unemployment while i look for better work.

whups, gotta go, my coke is going to explode in the freezer!

by the by, i will immediately remove this post should something horrible happen, and i have no wish for anyone to take such warnings lightly. (have you noticed that the guy that writes "boondocks" has started to put "Just a joke, folks" in a little box on his punchline panel? it's too bad that free expression has come to this, cause he has a damn funny comic.)
temple gave mystery some webspace, so i threw together a super-simple front page for it. all it has on it is a link to her livejournal, (which she never uses at all) and her class schedule. i wouldn't normally even mention it, but nothing else is occurring at this time.

http://astro.temple.edu/~mbridger

i HAVE been applying for jobs online (using various web based resume collectors, which are written by, i must assume, satan.) let's see, i've applied to:
  • temple
  • upenn
  • glaxo smith klein (didn't he direct clerks?)
  • pfizer, and
  • merck


i filled out the online resume on monster.com, but i must tell you, this was a mistake. all that it has led to is an inbox full of messages from lots of companies disguising themselves as headhunters, who want to be paid to provide you with a list of potential jobs. i personally think that this is disgusting. i mean, these companies are literally trying to get blood from a turnip. squeeeeeze out those last few dollars from poor unemployed souls, who are just hoping to get a job.

i'm so bored that i'm thinking of trying to install osx on my old 225 mhz mac. apple says it won't work, but they said that about os9 too, and i did that without much trouble (though it did take a RAM upgrade.)
yay
we have an address, i'll send off an email soon with it, once we have phone-age too. we move back to philly to occupy our space on the fifth (sunday.)

living here at home has not been too bad, things seem like they are turning a corner (knock on wood) out here with the hicks and the deer, one can catch one's breath, and observe things a little easier, as if time were moving slower, or somehow forgot to look in on me and shake my tree. perhaps i can gain momentum and sneak up on time? maybe get a head start and get across the line before the son of a gun can react?

maybe

jason called, it was nice to hear from him... one needs friends when things are going sour.

looking at my grandfather's clergy badge makes me sad. i hope he found heaven. i hope that if you believe in heaven, you go there, even if it doesn't exist. (how un-saint-monkey of me, i know.) if anyone deserved to go, he did.

i can't find my high-school yearbook. what a relief. it's like it high school never existed!

picked blackberries off of the side of the road all night, now we are making a cobler. got some half and half chillen in the fridge, gonna be a fat bastard.

masochism

Apr. 17th, 2002 09:39 am
if any of my ex-cs friends want to relive old pains, you can help out with livejournal support questions. whee!
http://www.livejournal.com/support/help.bml
mostly they are pretty simple, and there is even a whole section of canned responses in the form of FAQ's, all neatly reffed on the support page a level back:
http://www.livejournal.com/support
what does this do for you? nothing really. you earn "points" supposedly redeemable at some point for something, but i'm not sure what. but i must admit it was fun to go out there and put some of my useless internet knowledge to the test.

in other news

yesterday was my livejournal's one-year anniversary. created at work on the 987654321'th second from Unix's incep date (yes, i am that big of a nerd.) the odd color combination comes from the influence of a celibratory toast at a work celibration that periphrially included [profile] srmg,[profile] sgnp, [profile] patty_puke, and [profile] coffee777 [profile] srmg gave me some dry hemp-flaxseed waffles that were so good. i hadn't eaten all day, and they were delicious but very dry. no-one was doing any work, because amazon had fired us all, but were keeping us all n for a month or two. since they don't give references, we were free to dgoof off as much as we liked. ideally, i would have a whole bunch of hyperlinks to fun and memorable entries, but since livejournal was getting hit like george foreman last night, i couldn't get past the timeout page. (damn sping break!) besides after review, i've decided that there are no fun and memorable entries.

i need to get on my horse about moving to philly. there are like a million things to do, like sit and decide when we will actually move, decide how much stuff to move, and then reserve a truck to move it all, plus there is resume updating and posting to do, and work gettng my portfolio in shape so that i can farm it about for some illustration jobs, plus remote househunting and the like

PLUS,

work for my senior thesis show is due on the first and second of may, and i have no idea how much work to give, and at this point, not even any idea for thematic material. i'm working like three or four plates right now, but those are mostly for the mother's day print sale, and are not necessarily "Fine art." i have lots of stuff in my portfolio, but very little that links up conceptually, except for the bee stuff, and i hgave little of that left because it sells so well, and dammit, i need the money. my metals projects are simple, but time consuming, and i am seriously rethinking all this crap i have signed up for.

finally, they keep me hopping at work, eating up any and all free time that i could use to complete these activities, and somehow, i still end up with only sixteen hours at work a week, when it feels like i spend far more time there. when the paycheck come, i always feel royally screwed. in addition, there isn't a microwave anywhere for me to eat lunch, so i end up buying stuff all day, and this makes our money situation worse, and the freezer is filling up with frozen food that i can never eat. (sigh.)

so what's up with you? since this is turning into "bitch" day, why don't you make me feel better about myself and tell me all of your petty bitches? i'd actually love to hear them.

please

Mar. 3rd, 2002 10:03 pm
tell me what you know, good and bad, about
philadelphia.

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