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Send No Money, Not Real
Oct. 9th, 2003 09:03 amIs your life a shambles? Do you lack direction? Is your life constantly plagued by questions for which there are no easy answers? Have you tried everything? Religions, Meditation, Guided therapy? Nothing works, right? I am here to tell you that ONLY ONE THING WILL.
ACCESSORIES.
Now I can hear you saying "The secret to eternal bliss can be as simple as ACCESSORIES?"
YES!
Yes it can. And we are here to help.
Your trouble obtaining Nirvana could be due to the wrong yoga mat or the incorrect scent of incense. Obstacles in your life can be traced to the improper placement of Shiva's limbs, or the incorrect angle on Lord Ganesa's trunk. Failure to hear the voice of Yahweh could be due to the inexact number of beads in your rosary... Or the use of a forbidden shade of blue in your Sacred Heart of Jesus Scented candle. Allah's bliss could be avoiding you because you are improperly orienting yourself with Quibla due to a compass calibrated by a heathen. Finding the bliss you seek could be as simple as ensuring that the Holy Water you use was personally blessed by the pope.... Or alternately, never touched by that heathen Anti-Pope, you decide... We aren't here to judge, just to help you reach salvation as quickly and assuredly as possible!
Like all of life's problems, this can be solved with MONEY! Send $14.95 for our complete catalog of fully sanctified, fully functional, Religious Accessories, never be caught in a snake handling service without your "Blessed John the Baptist Fully Blessed Snake Handling Truth is the Armor of God Gloves" again! Be the envy of all the other Buddhists with your authentic Human Skull bowl made from the bones of a twelfth century Boddhisafa. So act now, don't delay! Supplies are limited and operators are standing by! Remember, only 144,000 shall be sealed, so every advantage you can get will help you secure the garden spot on the right hand side of the throne....Or the left... Or whatever... Like we said, we aren't here to judge.
ACCESSORIES.
Now I can hear you saying "The secret to eternal bliss can be as simple as ACCESSORIES?"
YES!
Yes it can. And we are here to help.
Your trouble obtaining Nirvana could be due to the wrong yoga mat or the incorrect scent of incense. Obstacles in your life can be traced to the improper placement of Shiva's limbs, or the incorrect angle on Lord Ganesa's trunk. Failure to hear the voice of Yahweh could be due to the inexact number of beads in your rosary... Or the use of a forbidden shade of blue in your Sacred Heart of Jesus Scented candle. Allah's bliss could be avoiding you because you are improperly orienting yourself with Quibla due to a compass calibrated by a heathen. Finding the bliss you seek could be as simple as ensuring that the Holy Water you use was personally blessed by the pope.... Or alternately, never touched by that heathen Anti-Pope, you decide... We aren't here to judge, just to help you reach salvation as quickly and assuredly as possible!
Like all of life's problems, this can be solved with MONEY! Send $14.95 for our complete catalog of fully sanctified, fully functional, Religious Accessories, never be caught in a snake handling service without your "Blessed John the Baptist Fully Blessed Snake Handling Truth is the Armor of God Gloves" again! Be the envy of all the other Buddhists with your authentic Human Skull bowl made from the bones of a twelfth century Boddhisafa. So act now, don't delay! Supplies are limited and operators are standing by! Remember, only 144,000 shall be sealed, so every advantage you can get will help you secure the garden spot on the right hand side of the throne....Or the left... Or whatever... Like we said, we aren't here to judge.
