Write your own Creation Myth Day

It's the day after my birthday, (I didn't post on my birthday, out of principle.) Got me to thinking about beginnings, so I'm declaring today "Write your own Creation Myth Day."

Here's Mine:

Once upon a time, there was a seagull. He wasn't a special seagull at all, just the garden variety down by the seashore black and white seagull that eats various bits of garbage.

One day, long ago, this seagull found a dead clam and thought to itself:

"That looks like a good bit of dead clam. I'm going to take that over to the forest where I can be nice and private-like, and I'm going to eat it, and then I'm going over to Mom's, cause I haven't seen her in a while."

So the seagull picked it up and flew towards the woods, but the dead clam was too slippery, and halfway there, it fell from his beak onto a mushroom.

In the dark of the woods, the magical combination of dead clam and mushroom produced...

A mewling bag of mucus, with a trapdoor spider of a mind that opened and pounced on any passing idea, wrapped it in silk, and hauled it into a hole in the sand to rot. The first human being.

The seagull took one look, thought, "Glad I didn't eat that clam, it must have been off," and he promptly flew right out of this story.

The first human being woke up, and started doing the things that human beings do.

After a few years of this, the rest of nature put out a general appeal to The Creator.™

"Creator™, why did you make this thing called Human?"

The Creator™ responded, (In those days, the Creator™ had much less on its plate, and was more likely to respond than not.)

"Hm. Human. Let me see... Halibut, Hamster, Hog, Hyena, Iguana... Nope. No Human. Not on the list. Let me take a look at it... WOW! Clam-Shroom! What an odd thing. Chalk that one up to crossing DNA strands or hybridization or some such thing. Science, ain't it wonderful? (At least, I assume it's wonderful, because I made it.) So. This 'Human' thing is here now, not much we can do. Why? What's the problem with it?"

The Whole of Creation responded:

"It has a mind for adaptation and innovation, and it uses this to get at small things in cracks, and big things in trees, and medium things in the water. Through craftiness and general mischief, it preys on all things, and it refuses to be the prey of any other thing. It consumes all resources and returns nothing. Tell us, Creator™, what can we do with such a thing? How can there be harmony with it in the world?"

"Hmmm." Said the Creator™, "Hmm. Hm. That's a tough one," and the Creator™ was silent for quite a long while.

"I know!" Answered the Creator™, "let's make it miserable."

So that's what they did.