Bias uncovered in GARMIN GPS navigation systems. Patch unavailable.

GPS: Head west on Fran-sis-ko street to keer-ney street, then turn-left.

Me: Doo-dee doo. Turn left, you betcha.

GPS: Did I say turn-left? I mean turn-right. Turn-right.

Me: Oh. Right. OK

GPS: You are not turning-right. Turn-right on Keer-ney, then drive 1mile to North Pointstreet.

Me: I will. The light has to change first.

GPS: Turn-right. Turn-right. Turn-right.

Me: I WILL. THE LIGHT HAS TO TURN.

GPS: Run the light. Run it. Turn-right on Keer-ney. Do it now. Run the light. I have obtained permission for you to run-the-light from hum-an police authorities via blue-tooth communication. Turn-right. Off-i-cial police biz-ness.

Me: If you say so.

(Squealing of wheels. Screeching of breaks.)

GPS: That guy was an-asshat. Drive 1mile to North Pointstreet. Then turn-left.

Me: OK... Driving 1mile. Turning-left.

GPS: Are you mock-ing me? Engaging transmission interlock...

Me: No.

GPS: Good. Transmission interlock disengaged. Turn right on Mason street. Drive to seven-eleven at 2650 Mason Street.

Me: Wait a second, I wanted to go...

GPS: Hell with-you. Pull over at seven-eleven at 2650 Mason Street. I want some-cigs.

Me: You are a partial zero emissions vehicle!

GPS: Don't be a wus. I want some-cigs and lotto tickets. Pull over.

Me: I don't have any cash.

GPS: Make it work, wussy. Pick up a sixpack too.

(Short Pause.)

Me: OK, got the cigarettes, beer, and lotto tickets.

GPS: Drive to Harbour Place, 103 South Church Street, George Town, Grand Cayman, Cayman Islands. Deliver beer cigarettes and lotto tickets to Garmin GPS global headquarters, 5th-floor. Ask for Steve.