Cross Examination of Farmer MacDonald

Could you state your name for the record, sir?
Bob MacDonald, but some folks call me "Old Man MacDonald," or jes even, "Old"
And do you, sir... currently reside at Route 21 Box 12, Old Farm Road?
Yessir.
and what exactly is the establishment at that address.
It's a agri-business
Isn't that just a fancy name for a farm, Mr. MacDonald?
Well, some could call it that.
Let's just stick to the facts, is this as previously stated, a "Farm" Mr MacDonald?
Yes.
Do you live by yourself on this "Farm" Mr MacDonald?
Not exactly.
Just what do you mean by "Not exactly"
well, there's me, but there ain't no more.... people theres.... theres
Are you referring to the ANIMALS, Mr. MacDonald?
Yeah.
Now what are we talking here?
Um, I'm not quite sure what you mean...
Oh, for pete's sake! Let's not be so coy, Mr. MacDonald, both you and I know what i am getting at here. do I have to spell it out for you? Now on this FARM, Mr. MacDonald, Do you have some ANIMALS?
Maybe a pig or a duck...
MAYBE a pig or a duck? Mr. MacDonald, do i need to remind you of the testimony of your neighbor, who places the actual number at more like "Here a Pig, there a pig?"
Nosir.
So what is it, Mr. MacDonald? Is it "maybe a Pig, " or "Here a pig there a pig?"
But, but...
your honor, i'd like to enter these Satellite photos....
EIEIO! EIEIO!
Objection!
Sustained. Order! Order! Mr. MacDonald, restrain yourself! one more Outburst like that, and I will hold you in contempt. These are legal proceedings, not some....hoedown. Please, continue with your questioning.
Thank you, your honor. Let's just skip to the facts shall we? I PUT IT TO YOU, MR. MACDONALD, ISN'T IT MORE LIKE "EVERYWHERE A PIGGY PIG?! " ISN'T IT!?
well, some could say...
Just answer the question.
It ain't as difficult as all that... it IS a pig farm
JUST ANSWER THE QUESTION.
all right! YES! YES! it IS everywhere a Piggy pig! and what's so wrong with that? you want the piggy pig! you NEED the piggy pig! is that so WRONG?
(gasps)
i rest my case.

memory

what is your earliest memory?

it is hard for me to say, since i can not place a timecode on any of the earliest memories in my head, some are fragments really (tasting beer at a small gathering of my family... yuck! my uncle kenny threatening to slip me a valium during christmas dinner, prying open gloria's eyes to see if she could see me while she slept, etc) but they don't line up like dominoes in my mind, one smacking into the other, back into the black void of consciousness.

but i can recall wanting to put chocolate milk on my fruit loops, as i ate them on a persian rug in a brightly lit room. (i can see dust motes in the sun.) yup, chocolate milk would be perfect with those fruity loops. i ask my mom, and she says that it probably wouldn't taste very good. so i ask if i can have chocolate milk WITH my fruit loops. (ah, machiavellian even at such a tender four years old!) my mom says yes, (probably distracted, or frustrated, as i was persistent in my request, or maybe she knew what my plan was, and had ceded to it, thinking that perhaps experience would be the best teacher...? maybe.) and then i carefully take my glass of chocolate milk into the living room, where i pour it into the fruit loops and being unfamiliar with archemedes, i am completely stunned when the milk level rises above the bowl and the fruit loops escape all over the persian rug. you know, fruit loops don't taste very good with chocolate milk on them.