The Sun Hates Freedom

[saint_monkey]

Lookit that, willya. 8 AM in the friggin AM, and it's 80 right now, with a forecast of 93. (Them's degrees FAHRENHEIT. "Fight the Metric System. We Don't Want No Foreign Rulers!")

Ninety-frikken-three.

NEWS FLASH: It has come to my attention that the sun is a GIANT FLAMING BALL OF PLASMA. Shouldn't somebody do something about that? Honestly, let's say that the new guy is moving into the house next to you, and while he's unloading his stereo speakers from his hoopty, you discover that he is a GIANT FLAMING BALL OF PLASMA. Who has time to worry about terror when you are being oppressed by a giant ball of compressed gas superheated to twenty-seven million degrees. You have no idea how fast ice cream melts at twenty-seven million degrees. You don't want that in your neighborhood! And everyone talks about GLOBAL WARMING and they point to crazy stuff like pollution while overlooking the obvious conclusion of SCIENCE! Which is so totally this (because I know a hella bunch of scientists, yo.) The conclusion of science is: THE SUN IS HOT, MY FRIEND.

You think it's a coincidence that we have this giant ball of flaming gas around, and stuff starts heating up? No. I think not. So why have we let this oppressive stellar object disrupt our lives like this? Aren't we the "United States of America™?" Can't we "Do Anything if We Put Our Minds to it?™" I say we all start pulling together and we come up with a plan to deal with this oppressive sun regime.