Anthropological Research
Sep. 2nd, 2010 09:09 amHappy birthday ![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png)
thirdhand, since you are fond of the humor stuff, here's something I wrote a while ago that I have not posted here:
Dramatis Personae:
Nebutor: An Alien
Bob: An Anthropologist
Setting: The Univeristy of Washington, Anthropology Lab, following the recent "first contact" with Nebutor's people, the inhabitants of Rebulon.
Nebutor: Bob! Good to see you!
Bob: Good Morning Nebutor. I bet you are wondering what today's topic is?
Nebutor: No, I saw it on the syllabus, I've been looking forward to it. SEX!
Bob: Very good, yes, we are to cover the topic of Rebulonian sexual reproduction today.
I must admit, it's had me stumped given your ... unique ... anatomy.
Nebutor: Just shakin what the Maker gave me, Bob.
Bob: Yes. So, if you'd care to explain on the blackboard.
Nebutor: I can do better than that. I've transferred one of my favorite pornos from holo-crystal to BetaMax, just for you guys.
Bob: BetaMax?
Nebutor: Yeah, you earthlings and your inferior technology, betamax is the way to go, for reasons far too numerous to recount at the moment.
Bob: Fortunately, this is a university, due to recent funding crisises, we haven't been able to upgrade any of our AV tech, so we actually *have* a betamax player. (Rolls player and TV out on AV cart.)
Nebutor: Awesome, let's plug this baby in. (Inserts casette.)
Bob: So... the green one, is this a female of your species?
Nebutor: Yes. She is a famous Rebulonian porn actress, her name is Henry Kissinger.
Bob: Henry.... Kissinger.
Nebutor: Yeah, porn names! You see, you take the street on which you grew up, and add...
Bob: I've played that game. So what are those.... stalky bits.
Nebutor: Protrubences. Momma says you shouldn't judge a girl on her protrubences, but Henry, Henry is stalked if you know what I'm sayin.
Bob: I get the idea, and the grey thing?
Nebtor: Thats a Kremlon, but I wouldn't take that home to momma, if you get my drift.
Bob: Heh. Yes. I think I...
Nebutor: Yes, it's not fresh at all, she should devour the other one.
Bob: WOAH! WOAH! That was ... unexpected. So your race is like the praying mantis, or the black widow?
Nebutor: No, no man, you're too excited, this is the romantic dinner portion, the good stuff comes next. You see the tall guy is the Kremlon delivery guy, and he just asked if she appreciated a strong interlock in the uplink phase, and of course we all know what he's REALLY talkin about, and ol' Henry's about to give him what he's askin' for... here it comes. BAM.
Bob: OH. MY. GOD.
Nebutor: Yeah, she's the best!
Bob: I'M GOING TO BE SICK.
Nebutor: What's the matter, that was HOT, Bob. You don't dig porn? Are you asexual or something?
thirdhand, since you are fond of the humor stuff, here's something I wrote a while ago that I have not posted here:Dramatis Personae:
Nebutor: An Alien
Bob: An Anthropologist
Setting: The Univeristy of Washington, Anthropology Lab, following the recent "first contact" with Nebutor's people, the inhabitants of Rebulon.
Nebutor: Bob! Good to see you!
Bob: Good Morning Nebutor. I bet you are wondering what today's topic is?
Nebutor: No, I saw it on the syllabus, I've been looking forward to it. SEX!
Bob: Very good, yes, we are to cover the topic of Rebulonian sexual reproduction today.
I must admit, it's had me stumped given your ... unique ... anatomy.
Nebutor: Just shakin what the Maker gave me, Bob.
Bob: Yes. So, if you'd care to explain on the blackboard.
Nebutor: I can do better than that. I've transferred one of my favorite pornos from holo-crystal to BetaMax, just for you guys.
Bob: BetaMax?
Nebutor: Yeah, you earthlings and your inferior technology, betamax is the way to go, for reasons far too numerous to recount at the moment.
Bob: Fortunately, this is a university, due to recent funding crisises, we haven't been able to upgrade any of our AV tech, so we actually *have* a betamax player. (Rolls player and TV out on AV cart.)
Nebutor: Awesome, let's plug this baby in. (Inserts casette.)
Bob: So... the green one, is this a female of your species?
Nebutor: Yes. She is a famous Rebulonian porn actress, her name is Henry Kissinger.
Bob: Henry.... Kissinger.
Nebutor: Yeah, porn names! You see, you take the street on which you grew up, and add...
Bob: I've played that game. So what are those.... stalky bits.
Nebutor: Protrubences. Momma says you shouldn't judge a girl on her protrubences, but Henry, Henry is stalked if you know what I'm sayin.
Bob: I get the idea, and the grey thing?
Nebtor: Thats a Kremlon, but I wouldn't take that home to momma, if you get my drift.
Bob: Heh. Yes. I think I...
Nebutor: Yes, it's not fresh at all, she should devour the other one.
Bob: WOAH! WOAH! That was ... unexpected. So your race is like the praying mantis, or the black widow?
Nebutor: No, no man, you're too excited, this is the romantic dinner portion, the good stuff comes next. You see the tall guy is the Kremlon delivery guy, and he just asked if she appreciated a strong interlock in the uplink phase, and of course we all know what he's REALLY talkin about, and ol' Henry's about to give him what he's askin' for... here it comes. BAM.
Bob: OH. MY. GOD.
Nebutor: Yeah, she's the best!
Bob: I'M GOING TO BE SICK.
Nebutor: What's the matter, that was HOT, Bob. You don't dig porn? Are you asexual or something?
