Let me tell you a story.

well

i arrived in wilmington an hour prior to my interview. it's a PRE- interview really, to narrow the field from 30 to 15. Just a few questions, and then if you pass, you get a follow up.

My mapquest instructions told me to travel down a "Powder Mill Road" after the interstate , and then take a "Slight left" after 3.6 miles onto Leverington Pike. After getting off the interstate, i found that wilmington doesn't seem to abide by the adage that each street should be clearly marked. there were several lights, and none of them shwed any indication of a street name. after a few tries, i finally decided to follow the milage exactly on my odometor, and compare it to mapquests milage, which was pretty exact (out to two significant digits) and by doing this, i found the unmarked "Old Powder Road" and turned onto it. A little way down the road, and some intersections were marked, and they told me i was on the Powder mill road, and by my calculations, about five miles from the interview, with an hour to go! good thing i brought a book.

So only 3.6 miles then a slight left.... well, Powder Mill Road became a bucholic drive along stone lines creeks, fall leaves, through cow pastures? (this is the biomed spin-off of hewlett packard, i'm looking for a campus, or at least an office park, but 3.6 miles, that is a way, and the cross streets still say this is powder mill road, and besides here is an intersection, must be that "slight left" onto Leverington...BUT the odometer says it's only about 2.4 miles.... wtf, will wonders never cease? a street sign! I'm on Pwder Mill, yeah I know that, and it dead ends... to the right we have... Barley Mill Road and to the left.... Sunset Lane? where is LEVERINGTON PIKE?

hmm. Choose Your Own Adventure time. If you,

1. want to turn onto Sunset Lane, which is much more industrial, but clearly NOT Old Powder Road, skip to the next paragraph
   
2. want to turn onto Barley Mill road, although it looks like it goes off into the country, at least the name SOUNDS like "Powder Mill," then continue reading
   

Barley Mill Lane Assuming that the name similarity is somehow important, i took Barley Mill first, out across a pasture, over a one lane bridge (doesn't lok good) and there is a large complex of buildings, wonderful architecture, looks like Graves or Holl, very nice... looks good, oh wait, it is a Private School, some kind of academy... after about a half a mile more, i realized that no Leverington pike was showing up, and that i'd clearly gone too far, so I figured that some doubling back would be necessary. it would need to be...
Sunset Lane, looks much more industrial, much better, passing a DuPont Site, very good! Passing Astra Zenica Pharmaceuticals! Much bettter, Leverington Pike must be coming right up! right after this barn, and the three odd miles of farmland stretching out in front of me. The odometer says it's 3.06 miles away, and i've gone like 2 of that, if there is no leverington pike in a mile and a half, and i can clearly see that there isn't.... Oh God.

So I double back yet again, back to Route 202, where i got off the interstate. I drive down a ways and into a bank parking lot, to consult my map. Look for Old Powder Road. Not listed.... Sunset lane? not listed. Barley Mill Road? Not listed. come ON! Leverington Pike? sections D8 E8 F8 G8 H8 I8.... okay, okay, it clearly is a major thoroughfare, so all i need to do is find out where i am.... okay, route 202... it should be right up here... (looking along the parking lot shows me a road, and far away, a roadsign. can't read it. long word.... starts with an "L" might be a t and a g.... and a little word after it.) it's leverington pike i bet.

Out of the lot i go. 8:23 now, interview is at 9. drive up, and it's Leverington AVE. i know what you are thinking. "oh shit," you are probably thinking, but i know that in this area, AVEs sometimes start residential as an AVE, but then become PIKEs as they move into the suburbs, this is a good sign, but... Left or Right? the map won't help, i'm no good with compass points and cardinal directions, i could be holding the thing upside down... Must rely on TRIVIA. "let's see, i'll take 'Left and Right Potpurri for a Thousand, Alex' "

OK, for a thousand dollars, here is your answer: When pursuing a suspect in a car, the police will turn in this direction at the first intersection they come to if they lose sight of their suspect.

Ok, you know this one. Most people that flee aren't thinking clearly, they are under stress like me, so when they lose a cop, the first thought is to get off the road they are on, without thinking about it, thinking that the cop must be back there and coming like gangbusters, so they turn.... Right. So cops are trained to take the first right after they lose the suspect.

So I turned right onto Leverington Ave, and i follow it.

And follow it, and follow it, for about five miles.

And eventually, at 8:30, i pull into a gas station, i can't afford to be wrong too many more times, best to go with the locals. Since i figure i'm on leverington, but i might be going the wrong way, i ask, where Centerville Road is, cause that is the next road i need.

"Centerville? Oh yeah, can't miss it, five lights back the way you came." (If i had gone left instead of right out of the bank parking lot, it would have been a single light in that direction. I've been going the wrong way... good thing i stopped.)

So off i go. i get to the prescribed intersection, and once again, no street signs, just have to trust the locals. i turn (right, of course,) and start looking for house numbers, i need 2800. i keep going, no house numbers. What kind of city has no house numbers. however, i keep going, getting into office parks now, for some reason i keep getting distracted by the little grey phone switchboxes... Trivia kicks in again, for some reason with the voice of Dan Akroyd. "Steffan, often the phone company will track the boxes by their street number, if they don't number the houses, then the phone company might be...." plenty of time still, don't panic. only 8:45... the phone company might be numbering theboxes. sure enough, cheesy little reflective house number stickers, on the switching boxes. This one is 2500, (nerd info saves the day yet again) almost there! i come up to a light, wonder of wonders, street signs again! let's see i'm on HWY 84 W and CENTER LANE.

CENTER LANE?

(scene deleted due to graphic language and violence)

So i pull into a nearby office park, and i pop into some company and quiz the receptionist. She says "Oh yeah! That happens all the time! Go back to Leverington and go up one more light, it goes, Center, then Centerville, it's very common to mistake them."

"You need to fix your city, ma'am."

"Yes, we get that a lot! Good luck!"

So back to the car, 8:55. I ain't gonna make it. Back to leverington 8:58, stopped at the light. Go GO GO GO GO. 9:00.

*the tiniest little heartbroken sigh, as tears well up. i'm six years old again, and the injustices of the world are just too much. there is nothing you can do except fling yourself at the barrier of time, maybe i can push it back. make things better, ignore it, it never happened.*

best to put the best face on it. Turning onto centerville lane, 9:03 is on my car clock like some obscenity.

No street numbers on centerville either, and no street sign, but i can see the blue placard for agilent up ahead. I pull into their lot, change shoes, put on my jacket, and go in. The clock on the desk says "9:06" Maybe they won't notice? Lot's of people in "Interview Suits" in the lobby, maybe i can just slide in there, and no one will ever know.

"Mr Ziegler, I presume?"

"Yes."

"You are late."

(All the other prospective interviewees look at me, i know what they are thinking. being late to an interview is the cardinal sin. may as well go home now, is what they are thinking.)

"I'm terribly sorry, I got ... turned around."

"That's ok, at least you showed up, we've had a few that didn't, let me take you back."

On to tedious interview-ness. I've been through so many of these in my life, I couldn't begin to count them. I don't want to think about how many more of these are in my future. it is too depressing:

• on a scale of 1 to 10, are you a detail person?
  
• tell me about a time in your past when you muti-tasked?
  
• how familiar are you with Oracle? Data Entry? SQL Query?
  
• why should we choose you over all the other candidates?
  
• name a time when you didn't perform up to standards... what happened to you?
  
• etc, etc.
  

i answered these with the obligatory false smile, don't fidgit, keep your hands at your sides, yes your mouth is dry, but don't lick your lips, people will think you are an alcoholic, especially if they are one. make eye contact... BLINK, but not TOO often. oh yes. breathe. all the while the white rabbit is running around in my head "Oh my whiskers! I'm LATE! I'm LATE! for a very Im-PORT-ant DATE!"

"Thank You, Mr Ziegler. We will have Rex call everyone later today, to set up a followup if that is required."

I went home. Plugged myself into Nintendo. Too jacked up for anything else (beat three levels on Perfect Dark that i normally find impassible.) 1:00 No call. (LATE!) 2:00 no call. (Late, and possibly drunk!) 3:00, no call, (Late, drunk and possibly on SPEED.) 4:00 no call, (Late,drunk, on bennies, and prepping heroin injection in the bathroom!) 5:00 no call. (Late, drunk, on bennies, hopped up on heroin and preparing to inject his 14 year old MISTRESS with heroin while pulling out the phone cord to strangle her afterwards.)

This morning rolls, around, and no call. *sigh*

and a few minutes ago, the recruiter calls and says that they were "On the fence about me," and they were setting up another interview for monday at one, on the off chance that "you were possibly having the worst day of your life."

Not far off the mark.