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BOY AM I!!!
- Sun, 12:26: RT @b0ringtweets: Retweet if you're sitting down.
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...and yet...
- Wed, 21:54: I have no plans at all to watch the super bowl. Bowling is not my thing really. I mean it's ok but there is too much math involved.
- Wed, 22:03: RT @YesThatGiraffe: It's too bad so many people are wrong about so many things. I wish I could help them all, but most seem to like it that way
- Thu, 09:36: RT @UberFacts: The filling you find between a Kit Kat's wafers consists solely of mashed up, defective Kit Kats.
- Thu, 09:41: RT @kumailn: Trump got hit by the blue shell in Mario Kart.
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RIP David Bowie
...and the stars look very different, today...
- Sun, 23:27: RT @DrMatthewSweet: Good lord. He was saying goodbye and we never knew it.
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(no subject)
- Sat, 19:37: I would not be surprised to learn that Country music is just an elaborate prank that's been played on me my whole life.
- Sat, 19:47: RT @A_single_bear: I tripped. I'm okay. I am a bear.
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Los Angeles
- Sun, 14:19: RT @latimes: A Los Angeles we haven't seen in a long time -- comes back to life https://t.co/vWrzSC59eo https://t.co/bh804SfUrp
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lost and found
- Thu, 08:45: RT @BenjaminEPark: From BYU's police beat. I'm pretty sure this means the students won. http://t.co/IlqTJAkhJ4
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Device life
- Wed, 18:21: RT @searls: Just realized I ask myself "how's my battery life?" way more often than I ask "how's my actual life?" 👌🔋
...also, why is it that *every* screenshot of a smart phone on Facebook shows a phone with like 5% battery life?
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Carbon Offsets
- Sun, 22:55: RT @ChuckBaggett: 5 Ways to Live A Greener Life 1. Green paint 2. Green clothes dye 3. Don't mow grass 4. Asparagus 5. Green food coloring …
I got yer waffle, right here.
- Fri, 08:13: RT @BoingBoing: Costco shopper, 78, punched in fight over free Nutella waffle sample. http://t.co/nWj84WWnDK http://t.co/QdxL0jqB9a
I know better than to go on the weekends, a pig-in-a-blanket is not worth losing a digit.
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The Russians would have been a formidable foe
- Sun, 11:38: RT @BoingBoing: Add butane to a bottle of Coke, get a totally unsafe high-powered bottle rocket http://t.co/MxdSuQXKPq http://t.co/H1O4Zx4q…
- Sun, 11:40: RT @A_single_bear: I want something yet I am not sure exactly what but I might be willing to exhaust all my energy to pursue getting it and maybe it is leaves?
Here's your capitalism, comrade... served back to you with butane!
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why, indeed?
- Sat, 14:39: RT @Netherlanders: Why is American healthcare so retarded
Because if it wasn't, "Breaking Bad" would have been a 5 minute YouTube clip...
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well, that worked out well...
- Wed, 08:53: RT @amconmag: Trump's support is an expression of a desire for a superweapon that will blow up the current political deadlock. http://t.co/…
Trash for Trash
- Fri, 12:34: Twitter just auto-played a One Direction video so I had to go outside and knock over my neighbor's trash can. #ActionsHaveConsequences
- Sat, 08:01: RT @StephenKing: How about a novel featuring a man who's always late? Thinking of calling it GO SET YOUR WATCH, MAN.
Use "the Joker", Luke
- Thu, 19:18: RT @A_single_bear: It is a good night to accidentally knock over trash cans and lick empty containers of yogurt. Remember to share with others doing the same.
- Thu, 19:18: RT @veorq: New car hacking trick discovered, hundreds of models affected! http://t.co/QEPDjOLLGY
- Fri, 08:28: RT @Rollinintheseat: *Luke Skywalker resetting his password* "Enter new password." TheForce "You have already used TheForce."
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Pigeon problems
- Mon, 08:18: I saw this pigeon peck a piece of bread and then it stuck to his beak and he was all whipping his head like willow smith. #pigeonproblems
For Pistachio? 3:15 AM.
- Mon, 22:50: When is it too late at night to eat pistachio ice cream? #AskingForAFriend #AReallyNiceFriendThatYouShouldntJudge
- Mon, 23:02: RT @sweden: As we say in #Sweden: summer is the best day of the year.
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the terrifying underbelly of actuarial tables
...this is a tale of gross excess on many levels. And those details are hard to fake...
- Sat, 09:48: RT @LettersOfNote: Hunter S Thompson, born 78yrs ago today, attempting to justify his Fear & Loathing expenses in a letter to his editor