saint_monkey (![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png)
saint_monkey) wrote2001-08-15 12:56 pm
saint_monkey) wrote2001-08-15 12:56 pm
electrical disturbances (long)
but first, before we venture into our tale, a little online auction abuse.rubylou posted this rather risque pic of an aussie man's teapot.
But i digress. Yesterday, as I was about to foray into coffee777's informative expose of the new Big Brother cast's shortcomings, my lovely wife Mystery (yes, that is her real name) called to tell me that the car wouldn't start, and all attempts to "jump start" the automobile were fruitless. Rembering the "Ignition Triangle" from numerous episodes of "Car Talk," (Imagine if you will, three capital "F's" arranged in a circle. A car will start if it has Fuel, Fire, and Oxygen. (Well, re-imagine the triangle as 2 "F's" and one "O.") The Fuel is misted with Oxygen to make vapor, and it is Ignighted by the Spark plug's "Fire," causing a rather massive explosion. (One Gallon of gasoline has one fifth the explosive power of a stick of TNT.) this explosion is contained within a stong metal container, and it's energy is used to force a piston upward within this containert, which in turn causes a cam to turn slightly, converting the up and down motion of the piston into a circular motion, transmitted along the vehicle's drive shaft, but I digress. ) As the vehicle is Fuel Injected, the "O" portion of the triangle, controlled normally by the Carb, absent on fuel injected vehicles, wasn't likely unless the computer was gone, and seeing as Mystery had filled the vehicle with Fuel just recently, we must therefore deduce that the culprit is Fire. Since all of the spark plugs couldn't go bad simultaneously, the starter wasn't "kicking" at all, but the lights did work, the Alternater couldn't be the issue. At this point, I could only think that the situation required a new battery, (even though the existing battery was a NAPA Superstart 35, A Consumer Reports "Best Buy," and guaranteed for 5 years (and currently less than a year old,)) So I rushed off to my neighbor, patty puke, to borrow her automobile, rush off to NAPA, purchase a newer, assumingly less defective battery before the establishment's closure, and drive out to Mystery's place of employment to install said device and act as heroic rescuer. Needless to say, by the time I arranged the aforementioned transportation, the NAPA store in question had ceased it's business day, and I had to ambulate about until I encountered a "Shucks" of ill repute just off of Denny, where I was able to make the required purchase. Oddly, I passed three stalled automobiles along the way, two of which involved the presence of Jumper cables. When entering the Shucks, I had to wait behind three other troubled citizens, all purchasing Car Batteries. I was afraid that they would not hasve the battery in question, but I need not be alarmed. The requested battery was in stock, and easily purchased, but for $60. So then, armed with this 35 AMP marvel, I then proceeded to 3901 6th Street S, (Where my beleagured vehicle and lovely spouse awaited,) and installed the battery. Afterwards, when the vehicle would not start, even equipped with a new battery, we were forced to the conclusion that the initial diagnosis of a faulty battery was not the problem entire. So, recalling that the cabin lighting on my poor Ford Escort had just a few days before, crapped out, I assumed that the problem could be either the fuses or the complete electrical system. Since fuses are easily replaced, I opted to attempt to replace the "Engine" "Drive" and "Ignition" fuses with new fuses, all of which proved fruitless. Since at this point, all of my options were exhausted, I called my Insurance Agency, to attempt to use my promised "Roadside Assistance" insurance, which the agent on the phone, "Could not promise" that they would cover. (At this point, I began to think "And why the fuck do I pay you ~$80 per month then?" (Pardon my French.)) But I restrained this Francophillic statement. An hour later, a delightful Russian tow truck driver from "ZZ Towing" (Any company that places it's name to be last in the phone book is OK by Mr. Steffan Ziegler,) arrived, courtesy of my uncertain Insurance provider (State Farm, whom I am thinking of dropping,) and he quickly and agilely hooked my vehicle up and towed it to my garage of choice, University Ford. This operation cost me ~$80. (Making me wonder, once again, why I exactly the fuck I am paying my insurance provider the same amount.) In the morning, as I learned of a "Glacial Outburst" on Mount Ranier (Several thousand gallons of melted glacier burst free of it's retaining crust, and rushed into the Willamet River, I also learned that the vehicle's difficulties were caused by a second set of fuses (known affectionately as "Engine Fuses") one of which had expired, causing the cabin lighting woes, as well as the vehicle's ignition trouble.
Mystery expressed the concern that the "Glacial Outburst" was related to her high stress levels lately, and I can't help but wonder if the high heat is somehow increasing a charge in the air, and causing everyone's engine fuses to blow out.
But i digress. Yesterday, as I was about to foray into coffee777's informative expose of the new Big Brother cast's shortcomings, my lovely wife Mystery (yes, that is her real name) called to tell me that the car wouldn't start, and all attempts to "jump start" the automobile were fruitless. Rembering the "Ignition Triangle" from numerous episodes of "Car Talk," (Imagine if you will, three capital "F's" arranged in a circle. A car will start if it has Fuel, Fire, and Oxygen. (Well, re-imagine the triangle as 2 "F's" and one "O.") The Fuel is misted with Oxygen to make vapor, and it is Ignighted by the Spark plug's "Fire," causing a rather massive explosion. (One Gallon of gasoline has one fifth the explosive power of a stick of TNT.) this explosion is contained within a stong metal container, and it's energy is used to force a piston upward within this containert, which in turn causes a cam to turn slightly, converting the up and down motion of the piston into a circular motion, transmitted along the vehicle's drive shaft, but I digress. ) As the vehicle is Fuel Injected, the "O" portion of the triangle, controlled normally by the Carb, absent on fuel injected vehicles, wasn't likely unless the computer was gone, and seeing as Mystery had filled the vehicle with Fuel just recently, we must therefore deduce that the culprit is Fire. Since all of the spark plugs couldn't go bad simultaneously, the starter wasn't "kicking" at all, but the lights did work, the Alternater couldn't be the issue. At this point, I could only think that the situation required a new battery, (even though the existing battery was a NAPA Superstart 35, A Consumer Reports "Best Buy," and guaranteed for 5 years (and currently less than a year old,)) So I rushed off to my neighbor, patty puke, to borrow her automobile, rush off to NAPA, purchase a newer, assumingly less defective battery before the establishment's closure, and drive out to Mystery's place of employment to install said device and act as heroic rescuer. Needless to say, by the time I arranged the aforementioned transportation, the NAPA store in question had ceased it's business day, and I had to ambulate about until I encountered a "Shucks" of ill repute just off of Denny, where I was able to make the required purchase. Oddly, I passed three stalled automobiles along the way, two of which involved the presence of Jumper cables. When entering the Shucks, I had to wait behind three other troubled citizens, all purchasing Car Batteries. I was afraid that they would not hasve the battery in question, but I need not be alarmed. The requested battery was in stock, and easily purchased, but for $60. So then, armed with this 35 AMP marvel, I then proceeded to 3901 6th Street S, (Where my beleagured vehicle and lovely spouse awaited,) and installed the battery. Afterwards, when the vehicle would not start, even equipped with a new battery, we were forced to the conclusion that the initial diagnosis of a faulty battery was not the problem entire. So, recalling that the cabin lighting on my poor Ford Escort had just a few days before, crapped out, I assumed that the problem could be either the fuses or the complete electrical system. Since fuses are easily replaced, I opted to attempt to replace the "Engine" "Drive" and "Ignition" fuses with new fuses, all of which proved fruitless. Since at this point, all of my options were exhausted, I called my Insurance Agency, to attempt to use my promised "Roadside Assistance" insurance, which the agent on the phone, "Could not promise" that they would cover. (At this point, I began to think "And why the fuck do I pay you ~$80 per month then?" (Pardon my French.)) But I restrained this Francophillic statement. An hour later, a delightful Russian tow truck driver from "ZZ Towing" (Any company that places it's name to be last in the phone book is OK by Mr. Steffan Ziegler,) arrived, courtesy of my uncertain Insurance provider (State Farm, whom I am thinking of dropping,) and he quickly and agilely hooked my vehicle up and towed it to my garage of choice, University Ford. This operation cost me ~$80. (Making me wonder, once again, why I exactly the fuck I am paying my insurance provider the same amount.) In the morning, as I learned of a "Glacial Outburst" on Mount Ranier (Several thousand gallons of melted glacier burst free of it's retaining crust, and rushed into the Willamet River, I also learned that the vehicle's difficulties were caused by a second set of fuses (known affectionately as "Engine Fuses") one of which had expired, causing the cabin lighting woes, as well as the vehicle's ignition trouble.
Mystery expressed the concern that the "Glacial Outburst" was related to her high stress levels lately, and I can't help but wonder if the high heat is somehow increasing a charge in the air, and causing everyone's engine fuses to blow out.